It takes time and patience to write wedding vows. The best vows are those that reflect the writer’s sincerity, and have a freshness of thought. The worst are those that use sample copy. They are invariably dull, trite and clichéd.

Your wedding vows should represent your personality, your aims and goals in life. This can only happen if you spend some time debating on what points to include in your wedding vows. Some of the obvious ones are:

• What is it that you love most about your partner?
• How did you fall in love?
• How will you add value to your partner’s life?
• How will you make your marriage different?
• What are your common goals and dreams?
• What makes your love unique?

These are not easy questions to answer. The task becomes even more difficult when you consider turning these answers into a wedding vow. It is quite possible that your first draft may sound very stale and dead. Don’t be disheartened. Try again.

This time you can record your thoughts by speaking into a tape recorder. You will find that your thoughts flow much faster when you are talking, and that your sentences sound more natural. They are not curbed by syntax but run merrily like a mountain stream.

This is what your wedding vows should be like: natural and independent, not bound by past constructions and stale advice. You can even consider calling your best friend to hear what you are going to say. Such an exercise always helps to remove or modify pompous and unwanted sentences.

It is equally important to read your vows in front of a mirror. You will find that there are certain sentence constructions which are quite cumbersome. These must be modified so that there are no unnatural breaks or pauses when you make your wedding vows.

There is one more hurdle that you have to cross before your wedding vows are ready for delivery. They need to be shown to the officiant, and his permission obtained. It is possible that the officiant may not like some sentences and you may have to modify them. Do that long before your wedding day. This will leave you enough time to be ready with your vows on the big day.

Here are our top 10 tips for creating your own perfect wedding vows.

1. Start with a clean piece of paper - with lines or without, the choice is yours...! Then, down the left side of the page, write the numbers 1-10. Now - without stopping to think about it, fill in this page - immediately! Write down the first ten things that come to mind in response to this sentence: "I love (your partner's name) because..." Set this piece of paper to one side.

2. Now, time to talk about you. What do you bring to this union of two people? You need to make some promises too you know. Take another sheet of paper and write 4 or 5 things you want to promise to your loved one. You could maybe think about these: Do you promise to support your partner even when he/she isn't perfect? What about if he/she gets sick? You get the idea...

3. Okay, you've got at least two pages of writing - now set it all aside. Do something else, preferably with your partner, preferably fun. To help make your wedding vows beautiful, simply step aside from the stress and thoughts for a day or two. Go out and remember why you love your partner. Go and play!

4. Done that? Now it's time to make a big decision - are each of you going to write your own vow, or do the two of you want to say the same thing? You don't have to...

5. It's time to go back to the papers from Steps 1 and 2. If you're working together, have fun sharing those pages. See where you overlap... Use highlighters to mark what you have in common - and make those promises and statements of love jump off the page.

6. Make sure you won't embarrass your friends and family with details that are too intimate or lengthy. Sincerity is the key; the words should come from your heart.

7. Think about incorporating your wedding guests into your vows by having them respond with their blessings and support.

8. Now, whether you're working alone or as a couple, it's time to prioritise. Which is fancy language for saying, "Okay, if I have to cut two of these promises, which ones will they be?" Nibble at your lists, removing things that are just a little less juicy, until you're left with three or four things you love . . . and about the same number of things you promise.

9. The vows themselves should only take two or three minutes (in total) to say to one another. Remember, this is a public declaration of your commitment, not a private conversation between the two of you!

10. Rewrite your wedding vows on a clean sheet of paper - it will make a difference, trust us. Then read your wedding vows to a trusted someone other than your partner. How does it feel to say these words aloud? Have you said anything you'd be embarrassed to say in public? Are there any tongue twisters? Once you've amended your wedding vows and ironed everything out, it's time to stop. Feel good about what you've done. Your wedding vows are one of the greatest gifts you'll ever make.