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Remember, the ceremony is the real wedding, so don't neglect it in the whirlwind of planning your reception.
 Exchanging your wedding vows will be both a public and a private pronouncement of the love you two share, and you'll want it to be unique and meaningful. Options abound for making a wedding ceremony uniquely yours.
Many couples prefer a traditional religious wedding ceremony, officiated by a clergy member and personalized with selected readings, poems, original vows, or symbolic candle lighting. Others might prefer a civil wedding ceremony performed by a public official, or a nondenominational wedding ceremony held in a unitarian church for a spiritual essence without religious restrictions. And if you're an interfaith couple, you may choose an ecumenical ceremony in which an officiant from each faith is present. Whatever you desire, your wedding ceremony should satisfy both your feelings and beliefs, and it should acknowledge the serious nature of the commitment you're making.
Your wedding officiant can usually provide you with a list of recommended readings and music selections (see our Wedding Ceremony Music Suggestion for more details) and explain the basic order of the proceedings. Then it's up to the two of you to decide whether you will follow that exact format or add your own touches. Here are some suggestions:
Readings and Prayers
Readings and prayers may be used to turn even the most strictly religious wedding ceremony into a highly personalized event—or to bring a note of spirituality to an ecumenical wedding ceremony. You might choose a scripture that has special meaning to you, or read a prayer that represents your feelings about marriage. For non-religious readings, there may be a romantic poem or even a song lyric you'd like to include.
Rites & Rituals
Ask your officiant about religious or cultural rituals to incorporate into your wedding ceremony. For instance, some African-American couples honor their heritage by "jumping the broom" as a symbol of jumping into a new life together.
Candle ceremonies (often called a "unity candle") are very popular. The altar is prepared with three white candles, which symbolize the love that the newlywed couple will keep burning for each other throughout their marriage. After the wedding vows, the bride and groom light the third candle with the flames of their individual candles, representing the unity of marriage.
Special Honors
There may be friends or family members not included in your wedding party whom you'd still like to honor at your wedding. One way is to include them in your ceremony by, for example, asking them to hold the poles of the huppah (wedding canopy) during a Jewish wedding, or by asking them to read a poem or prayer.
Write Your Own Wedding Vows
While deciding to compose your own wedding vows is not for the faint of heart, it is one way to express the uniqueness and beauty of your relationship. If you're trying to write your wedding vows, start by talking about your relationship—how you met, why you decided to marry, what marriage means to you. This can serve as a source of material to draw from.
The degree to which you can customize your wedding vows will vary depending on your officiant's rules, but even the most traditional wedding vows can be personalized by modernizing the language or substituting some words to better suit your partnership. If you do write your own, don't lose sight of the fact that these wedding vows are the promises you're making to each other, which will shape your lives together. This is not the moment for nicknames and inside jokes (save those for your toasts at the reception), but the opportunity to bear witness to your love and commitment in front of everyone who cares for you.
You may decide to recite your original wedding vows from memory. But if you're feeling nervous that you'll forget your lines, you can read them or respond with affirmations to your officiant: "Do you promise to…" or "Will you always…."
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